Around Grace

For years after about the age of fourteen I called Mom, Grace. She liked that, but in India it seems egregious and, since so many around here refer to her as Mum, in the British style, so this is also how she goes around here.

So, how is it different now that Mum is not here? Strange how your life can change in a day or two because of a moment called by us death.

We have lived together for the past eighteen years in Kodaikanal. Mary our housekeeper has been with us from the beginning (1992) devoted and amazingly patient and loving, through ups and downs especially through this last period. Balu (whom Sally calls, “Hullabaloo”) is like a second son. Pakkiyam joined the household staff in 1998 and K. R. Rajkumar became officiating angel to Mum and I, helping with visas (from 2000) and my grant of Indian citizenship and—after my viral fever in July 2009, when I could no longer keep an eye on Mum at night, Rajkumar took up the job of night watch and has been there for Mum at night, and virtually 24 hrs, for the past year. Our beloved Hridayam preceded Mum a couple of years ago but his daughter Velangkanni (Vela), mother of the kids, Sneha and Raj, have all been very close and constituting the family scene of our house along with John Rattinam and others who look after the land, who never spoke on the phone without asking after Mum. Radhika Williams was a great companion for Grace over the past seven years, playing Rummy and sharing ideas and jokes. As Radhika says, “Grace became a kind of alter-ego for me, helping me to grow.” When Grace could no longer help herself as before, Radhika began attending to her more as a care giver in the evenings during this past two years. In other words, Grace-Mum has had a lot of respect and discrete support.

Quite apart from my quackological health mentoring in natural foods and naturopathy, we took valuable advice from several doctors over the years, also regarded as friends, who have always been there for her at any time day or night: Dr Balaji, Dr Kolhatkar (and wife, Billie), Dr Bruce de Jong (who knew Grace as a Kodai schoolboy, and his wife Tamar and their children), Dr Elamvazhuthi, Dr Jayakumar who guided her leg operation at Madurai (“The oldest knee replacement I know of in India,” at age 97) , Dr Hari Priya of Aravind Eye Hospital, and Dr Manoharan, who not only offered help with Ayurveda but also was instrumental during the past five years, in obtaining my Indian citizenship, which means that Grace died the mother of an Indian citizen!

We never discount the valuable advice of friends, and Grace would take medicines occasionally, but usually only in some emergency. The main thing is peace of mind, she would say, “if you know there is a doctor around whom you can trust, that in itself is the medicine.”

Except for vitamin C and carotene and such mostly Grace did not take pills. She was diagnosed with ischemia or blockage of the arteries when we arrived in 1992, and very overweight, she went along with the pill regime for a while. But I remember one day when she got fed up with Dilzem she just chucked the silver and plastic in the waste paper basket and started drinking her own urine and having fruits for breakfast and so whatever the problem was cleared up nicely over the years, avoiding strong coffee and such, all in favor of natural healing which stood her in good stead to the end.